Breakdown or Breakthrough: Coping in Challenging Times Through Mindfulness
Many of us are living on autopilot frantically racing to the finish line to claim our prize — more money, more power, or more possessions. But then life steps in and shows us who’s boss, wreaking havoc on our best laid plans.
You lose your job. You get passed over for a promotion. Or even worse, you become the victim of an impromptu diagnosis. During times like these, it’s only natural you start to question your life’s path. However, it is in these challenging periods that God calls us to wake up to who we truly are, but under one condition: We allow the experience to strengthen us, not harden us.
Who’s afraid of the big, bad emotions?
“This was not the plan,” I thought. At age 25, I found myself in a whirlwind of heartache and in dire need of some serious soul searching. After immense suffering, my grandfather lost his battle with cancer. In less than one year, I witnessed a once active man disintegrate into skin and bones. To make matters worse, I was entangled in a ménage à trois I couldn’t seem to escape: me, a soul-crushing job, and a toxic beau.
As heartbreaking as the loss of my grandfather was, it forced me to venture outside my cage. The imprisonment of mental chatter can be a tricky warden because you never know whether it’s telling the truth or not. Yet, it appears to always have your best interest at heart.
I was so focused on achieving that I blocked out the sound of my inner voice. When the ‘ish hit the fan, I took a sabbatical from my neurotic goal setting and focused on the task at hand – awareness. For the first time ever, I resisted the urge to self-medicate with things like work, alcohol and sex, exposing my wounds instead of trying to cover them up.
Mindfulness 101
In Buddhism, there’s this great quote that says: “You only lose what you cling to.” God uses our most devastating experiences to shape us into the leaders we are to become. We may wonder why things didn’t turn out according to plan when the culprit was not our misfortune, but our attachment to the itinerary of our journey.
The practice of mindfulness prompts us to not only become aware of when we become trapped by negative emotions, but to also change how we interpret our difficult experiences. It requires us to sit with our fear, our hurt and our pain completely unarmed. Instead of medicating ourselves with self-prescribed busyness, remaining present allows us to revel in our feelings of discomfort and push past them. The funny thing about emotions is that once you face them head on, they will quickly run the other way.
The validity of our anguish is determined by our perceptions, not our circumstances. Think about it: What would life be like if you didn’t believe the stories in your head? Let’s suppose you disregarded all the chit chat that told you things will never get better or you’ll never survive this. Sure, in theory, being laid off is a bad thing. However, it could also be the Universe’s way of telling you it’s time to write that novel you’ve been dreaming about. The point is this: Once you learn to welcome life as it comes — without trying to dictate the outcome — you’re able to break the trance of fear and depression.
