Are Modern Women Destined to Be Unhappy?
On HuffingtonPost.com, Marcus Buckingham recently posted a piece called “Women’s Happiness: What We Know For Certain” where he discusses a decline in happiness among modern young women. While Buckingham touches on some interesting points as to possible explanations for this disarming trend such as women being harder on themselves than men and the additional stress women experience from balancing a career and motherhood, there’s a much bigger issue that needs to be addressed: a loss of individuality.
According to the United States General Social Survey, women are less happy than they were forty years ago, as compared to men, and as women get older they experience greater periods of sadness. In this post, I’ll explore three social trends that are destroying our emotional well-being.
The happily-ever-after myth
Personal fulfillment and life satisfaction continue to elude many young women because we’re looking for it in all the wrong places. The trappings of contemporary living keep us in a constant state of busyness, searching for that proverbial “pot of gold” in a career, in accomplishments, in a relationship or marriage, and in materialistic possessions. We find ourselves pursuing any and everything to sustain that feeling of accomplishment and importance, even when what we’re striving for isn’t necessarily what we desire.
I can recall several times in my own life when I’d hop from one thing to another in search of the one thing that would satisfy me. I’d changed jobs, date multiple people, and work out obsessively to achieve the ideal body. However, none of those things produced lasting joy. I’ve discovered over the years that until you discover who you are and become comfortable in your own skin, you’ll always feel incomplete.
A case of mistaken identity
Our culture is obsessed with physical appearance, having more, and achievements. As a result, we’ve become so occupied with measuring up and fitting in with societal standards that we often don’t realize how we’re giving away pieces of ourselves. Our identity no longer becomes a question of who we really are, but who others want us to be. So we keep our real selves hidden at bay because if people found out who we really are, our peers might not accept us.
How do you define yourself? Do you judge yourself by your accomplishments or possessions? Or are you a woman that defines her value based on an ability to show love and compassion for others and engage in selfless acts of service?
Act like a man, think like a woman
Browse through any bookstore and you’ll find countless books on how to “act like a man” to get what you want out of life. There’s an underlying message in our culture that makes openly displaying your emotions and being your authentic self the equivalent of social suicide. Instead, you should “act” and “play hard to get” to have your needs met.
Time and time again, I’ve seen women downplay their femininity for social acceptance. Because they don’t want to appear too emotional or too aggressive, they resist speaking up and voicing their true opinions at work. Or, they attempt to take on a more masculine approach to dating — juggling multiple partners and having sex without commitment — thinking it will make them more desirable members of society. Regardless if you’re a man or woman, neither of these paths will lead to contentment or inner peace.
The only way to find yourself is to leave yourself. So every now and then, you must push past fear’s door and wear your heart on your sleeve… for all to see.
